1. I have no baby toenails. Seriously. There is the little indent where you would think there would be baby toenails growing, so most people don't notice, but there is nothing there. If I want to paint my toes, I have to just paint the skin where my toenail should be. 
2. The reason I am starting my dream journal is because I am absolutely enraptured by the idea of learning how to lucid dream. I've never had a nightmare and there are always tons of recurring themes and locations in my dreams that I am really interested in exploring further. I'm not really interested in changing my dreams, so much as being more aware of myself, my surroundings and my intentions. I'm a little scared that I could get to the point where I don't want to wake up anymore, but I try not to think too much about that. 
3. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Like seriously, clueless. Maybe something writing related? Maybe something councilling related? Maybe I wanna be a porn star? I got nothing.
4. I have no sense of style. The girls I work with often look at me and just shake their heads in dismay. Its getting better though. I also haven't really bought clothes for myself ever, before like six months ago. Losing weight has actually made me care about what I look like for the first time. This also ties into the next one.
5. I have never decorated a room. I have never picked out a piece of furniture or a poster for myself. I have arranged furniture that was given to me, but that is about it. When I was a kid I slept in my moms old room, so it was decorated the way she had it, and since then I just tuned out my surroundings. Right now my room is empty. Seriously, there is a paper thin futon on the floor, boxes in the closet and clothes on the floor. We moved in in September. 
6. I spend a good chunk of my day planning what I am going to do when I live on my own. For example, decorate my room and jump around while walking around my house to burn more calories. I feel constantly observed here. There will no doubt be a post on this in detail when I am feeling more miserable, so I'll leave it at that for now.
7. I was supposed to have a threesome with a couple barely know yesterday, but I got my rag and couldn't go through with it. I met them at a trade show and they invited me out to dinner and drinks. And asked if I was ok with threesomes. Its driving exboy crazy that I won't tell him who I was going out with, but lets not kid ourselves, he doesn't want to know that. Now it has to be postponed anyways, and it upsets me.

Now for ten people. This one has been going around like crazy, so I can't be bothered to try to find ten people who haven't gotten it before. So if you get doubles, yea! for you.

Clean something for 30min every other day for a month. (week 1/4)
This one went really well, I only missed one day and I made up for it by cleaning for an hour the next time


Exercise 3 times a week for at least half an hour.
This one went almost as well, although, I missed one day and only made up 15 minutes of it the next time.


Do Laundry twice a month for 6 months (0/12)
I skipped this one, so I have to make sure I definitely do it this Sunday.


Create and follow a debt payment plan focusing on student loans.
Merp. I haven't gone near this one yet. The whole idea gives me panic attacks. I may take this one off until next month when I have money for them. Has anyone had any experience with companies that are supposed to assist in resolving debt? They always seemed scammy to me, but how do you scam people who are already broke?

Track all spending for one month. 
I keep getting distracted tracking my food and almost forgetting this one, but other then that it is going really well. Results so far? I spend far more money on things to smoke then things to eat, so I guess that's a good thing?


File taxes. 
Called then late tax people, they told me what I need to bring in, so I'll grab that tomorrow, and bring it in next week. Then they can figure out what a financial mess I am and set me up an appointment. It means more money eventually though, so that's nifty


Spend one hour a week improving memory for a month (30min)
Done, although it was memory games this week. Next week it will be text based, less fun memory improvement. Then probably games again.


Draw once a month.
Skipped it, not stressing.


Start a dream journal and update it twice a week for a month
I'm very excited to have started this one, and so far its going well. I just wish it was easier to remember to write things down before they are gone and that it didn't feel like my thoughts were escaping while I write.


Brush teeth, mouthwash and floss twice a day for a month.
I'm taking this one off til next month when I can buy kick ass whiting mouthwash and more dental floss. And maybe some new tooth paste too. Til then, I settle for brushing.

Oh my freaking god I am so thrilled. I just got my first very blogger award award from the wicked cool and utterly delightful TK. Not only do I usually not win things, which makes this awesome, but also I was slowly breaking down into having some sort of  terrible McDonald's binge that would leave me hating myself. You know what I'm going to do instead? Have some veggies and some fat-free Caesar dressing and maybe if I really need it, a small fresh bun from the bakery. So thank you, thank you, thank you TK <3  


I am still working on what I have to write and who I want to give it to (because really, you are all pretty awesome) but in honour of TK's and my mutual Canadain-ness, here is some Canadian themed thinspo to hold you over.

Is it bad that I find a girl with an axe and a cigarette strangely sexy?

And to many people to be. I have forgotten myself.

I spend more time on this email account and one other, leaving my "normal" account piled up for days, coupons I can't afford and correspondence I can't bring myself to reply to.

I'm so motivated, but translating that motivation into action has always been the hard part. It's like I can't do everything. Something always falls by the side. I'm gearing up to start a new job this weekend that will bring in a lot more income, and because of that my eating falls by the wayside. Even though I eat almost nothing, its all crap. A handful of chips, grabbed absent-mindedly from the bag  as my focus is on the computer, panic setting in  as the fragrant orange residue sticks to my fingers. I can't eat them, but I can't put them back either in a room full of people either, so I eat them anyways. They are knock offs and too salty and I hate myself more.

But today is a new day, so I'm not going to beat myself up over it any more. I'm limiting myself to one sandwich, so I can eat in front of the housemates and then that's it. If I get hungry later, I exercise or do something on my list or take a sleeping pill.

My list is going well, more on that later.

my intake was l700, but I exercised enough to get my net down to 1400, so hopefully I won't do to much damage. I got caught watching thinspo after exercising, so I ate to avoid suspicion.

List wise, things are going well. I signed up with an account to track my spending on moneystrands.com and I found the number for a company that specializes in helping people file late tax returns so I can call them tomorrow. I found a website with a bunch of brain games and spent an hour improving my memory and concentration. Now I don't have to think about that one for the rest of the week. My dream journal and a pen are beside my bed already, so hopefully I will remember to update that tomorrow, before I forget what I dreamed.

I also did 40 minutes of step aerobics, to cover my exercise requirement for the day.

I was feeling kinda down today though... Not bad really, but I feel trapped in my house and its starting to feel smothering. I have to justify everything.

And it draws way too much attention to look for them.

I ended up giving in and having a bowl of chips and a pop at like 5 in the morning last night. On the positive side,  I stuck to the serving size, and didn't go back for more. On the downside it put my total at 1700 for the day, which is just painful to look at. And it ruined my streak. And I gained A POUND. Damn it.

At least today's an exercise day, so I can feel like I'm doing something about it.

More to come later, but for now, pretty skinny ladies.

This one is my favourite of the 10. She is super inspiring to me for some reason.

So I'm back. Finally.

I've decided that this blog and my life both need more structure, so I've set up goals based on the dayzeroproject website. Basically I have 102 goals to accomplish within the next 1001 days. Check out the pages to see what my goals are and the post below to see which ones I'm tackling this month.

Things were stressful, then they weren't, then they were much more stressful. But it's too much to get into. They are moderately more calm at the moment, so lets just start fresh here, m'kay? Everything you need to know at the moment about the people I live with is on the housemates page, and I'll let you know more if needed.

Food wise, I climbed back up to close to 160, then got back on track. I have not binged in 8 days, and lost 4lbs, putting my current weight at 154.6 My measurements page will be updated when I get a few minutes to be obsessive with the tape measure. I haven't gone about 1200cals in a week and a half and at least half the time I'm under 900 as well. Not quite low enough but getting there. There are chips in the kitchen calling my name, but I will be strong.

I did an hour of cleaning today, put my dream journal beside my bed, and I'll brush and floss before bed. Mouthwash will have to wait a couple days.

The next post will have pretty ladies in it, but I'm too tired now.