the rule of the day: don't bother feeling better

Posted by EmptyShell | Posted in | Posted on Thursday, June 16, 2011

First off, thank you to all my wonderful commenters. Without you, I'm talking to myself.

Unfortunately, if I refused to feel guilty for eating yesterday, then karma was going to make it it's personal mission to crap on me all day today. I just found out that I'm not getting the check that I thought I was until Tuesday at the very least, if at all and that's only if I can lie and talk my way into it. Unfortunately, I kind of needed that money to pay my rent.

The woman at the meeting,who I had been speaking to for about five minutes, told me she could tell that I was dealing with issues that were preventing me from being successful. Apparently it's more obvious then I thought.

Everything else has just been shitty today. I've burned myself twice, cut myself shaving for the first time in years, banged my head on the corner of a table. I mentioned I'm clumsy right?

It's was always the second I started to feel better too.

bah humbug.

At least I didn't pay to much for my ice cream and pork transgressions the night before. My weight was at 147 when I got up this morning, which is exactly where I expected it to be. I'm at about 800 calories for the day because I've been grazing on comfort food at work. Popcorn can go fuck itself. I start out all delicate and just take one piece at a time, then two, then three. Ridiculous. And you look disgusting eating it. All greasy and crap. Seriously, look behind you the next time you are at a busy movie. A sea of round faces shoving handfuls of popcorn into their grease stained mouths like someone is going to try and take it away if they don't finish their supersized garbage bag before the climax.

Maybe that was a little over the top for popcorn hate, but I said I was in a bad mood. And if anyone understands my irrational food-hate it's you guys.

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Where emotions should be, there is only the quiet sense of distance. I shall remain unaffected in times of crisis, calm or caring. This is not a choice, but I am strangely okay with that. What else is there to say really? It's all been said before. We are not unique and delicate snowflakes. Even that is not an original thought. (brownie points for getting the reference) Maybe one day I will have something interesting to say here but the fact of the matter is, if you really want to know, read the blog. Or ask. Whatever.