I was lazy at work today, and now I'm disappointed in myself. I have all these great intentions, yet somehow I can never accomplish most of what I set out to do. I tell myself I will go to bed early, and 5AM rolls around and I'm wide awake. I tell myself I will wake up early and be productive, and I sleep 'til the last possible minute, or I wake up and laze around the house, smoking up and watching bad television until its time for work. I eat nothing at work, return home and my resolve dissolves. I just don't know. My weight is maintaining at 151.6. As long as I can stop eating now, it will probably be the same tomorrow. I hope.

It's like I can clearly see the course of action that I need to take to get to a better life, but I'm paralysed, terrified of the unknown.

I did finish one thing today. It's my birthday next week, and I just finished making my wishlist for my mother. I realized this year that she only ever buys things from the shopping channel anyway's, so I might as well go to their site and make my wishlist from there. It hurts me to do it though, the mark up on most of it is ridiculous.

Speaking of my birthday, I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's been really crap the last few years, some worse then others, but forgettable at best. I'm trying not to get my hopes up that anything will be different this year. Exboy has this speech he goes through about a month and a half before my birthday about how everything is going to be different this year, and now it just makes me kinda sad.

I also feel old. Does anyone else feel like they are missing out on something?